The images in this section are linked to the main gallery for the Fat Duck

 

Tuesday 10/1/12

We woke up rather early, around 5.00 am as planned, and again hunted for my hearing aids, to no avail. I decided to look in the car again. I had already looked in, around and under the spare wheel in the boot, but there was no way they could have got in there, so it seemed a bit pointless. Then I noticed a secondary flap in the wheel cavity, so I looked under there, and there they were. To this day I am convinced that the only way they could have got in there was by someone hiding them from me. Much rejoicing was made.

We got into our best bib and tucker, and set off. A long and boring journey was only “enlivened” by a lorry crash in the opposite lane of theM4, just outside Bristol. It was a very spectacular one, which had resulted in a fifteen mile tailback behind it. “Thank god that’s not on our side of the motorway or we’d be screwed!”

We got to Bray with an hour to spare, and were sat in the car twiddling our thumbs, when Bethy screeched from the back seat; “Oh my god, oh my god!! Heston’s just pulled up in his BMW!!!” I looked over to where she was pointing, and sure enough the man himself was getting out of the car. I leaped out, despite Bethy’s attempts to drag me back in, and went over to him. “Sorry to interrupt you Heston mate, but would you be a real hero and have a photograph taken with my wife and daughter? They’re big fans of yours.”

I didn’t let on about my man crush on him.

And, good as gold, he came across to where Bethy and Lee-Anne were shyly emerging from the car. He chatted with us, and was very charming and down to earth. We told him we had a 12 o’clock booking at the Fat Duck, that we were over from Aus and that this would be the highlight of our holiday, and that; “meeting him was the icing on the cake”’ (Cooking pun!) he told us of his forthcoming tour of Aus, and then posed for a shot with Bethy and Lee-Anne before taking his leave of us. Bloody lovely chap.

We drove away for a little while, we had nothing else to do, and the girls needed to cool down a bit. “Well done you for having the balls to go and ask him, “ said Lee-Anne,  I replied; “he’s just a geezer like us, he’s a bloke. If he had told me to fuck off, then fair enough. It would say more about him than me.” Lee-Anne kept fanning herself, I asked her if she wanted me to wear a Heston mask the following night, Bethy hit me.

We got back to Bray, took some photos outside the Fat Duck, and soon were welcomed in.

I will not attempt to describe the meal, suffice to say it was the experience of a lifetime.* The photos will not do it justice either.

The staff, well just think about it, this is one of, if not THE best restaurants in the UK and Europe, the staff were that  quality too. We had anything up to four waitstaff attend us at any one time. (My mother asked if they; “made us feel like royalty?” They didn’t, it would not have been to our taste, and would have spoiled the experience. They made us feel like valued customers, for whom nothing was too much problem.) I showed one of the girls waitressing the photo we had had taken with Heston, she nearly had an orgasm; “He is a genius, a true genius!”

We were presented with our menus at the start of the meal, they had a special one for me, as I’d requested “piscatarian” food. Yup, after thirty years of being a vegetarian, it only took Heston’s prices to get me to eat fish again. I was not prepared to, and thought it would be silly to, eat meat at the Fat Duck. My body may have reacted against it, and it would be silly, embarrassing and expensive to hurl the bloody lot up again. I told the waiter this, and he offered to change my tasting menu to fully vegetarian, I decided to stick with the fish adventure.

Each course had it’s own correct cutlery and plates matched to it. They were all beautiful and of the highest imaginable quality. The bowls rang like bells when struck. Funnily enough since getting back I’ve had a real obsession with the feel of cutlery in the hand, odd eh?

I was driving so. I only had three wines over the course of the meal, all recommendations made for me by the sommelier. Lee-Anne had three champagnes, Bethy had some non-alcoholic cocktails.

There was no point in the meal that you could honestly say; “That was the highlight!” every course, every mouthful was the highlight. Though I must say, the “Sound Of The Sea” came close to being our favourite dish, Bethy burst into tears when eating it.

The only downside of the meal was three arseholes on the next table who talked a bit too loud and were ignorant boors, but why let them spoil it?

The meal lasted four and three quarter hours.

(There is a course below missing a photograph, I was so enraptured watching the guy cook our in “ntiro poached aperitifs” in liquid nitrogen at the table, I forgot to take a shot!)

Items marked (T) were Taff’s version, marked (L-A &B) were Bethy and Lee-Anne’s version. Photographs are linked to the  gallery for this page. (W) indicates a wine. Some ingredients have been linked to as I didn’t know what the fuck they were either.

Beetroot Macaroons, with Horseradish cream filling.

 

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Nitro Poached Aperitifs.

Vodka and lime sour, Gin and tonic, Campari soda.

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Red cabbage gazpacho.

Pommery grain mustard ice-cream

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Jelly of smoked mushroom, truffle cream and pea. (T)

Oak moss and Truffle toast.

Jelly of quail, crayfish cream. (L-A &B)

Chicken liver parfait, oak moss, truffle toast.

 

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Parsley porridge. (T)

Shaved fennel.

 

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Snail porridge. (L-A &B)

Iberio bellota ham, shaved fennel.

 

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Roast langoustine. (T)

Barberry, braised konbu, and crab biscuit.

(W) Chateau neuf du pape beaurenard. (T)

 

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Roast foie gras. (L-A &B)

Barberry, braised konbu, and crab biscuit.

(W) Tattinger brut res. (L-A)

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Mock Turtle soup.

 

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“Sound of the sea.”

(W) Namagenshu Sake. (T)

 

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Salmon poached in Liquorice gel

Artichoke, vanilla mayonnaise, and golden trout roe

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Saddle of venison. (L-A &B)

Beetroot soubise, risotto of spelt, and umbles.

(W) Tattinger brut res. (L-A)

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Roast turbot. (T)

Mushroom carpaccio, morels and grelots, jelly of verjus.

(W) La Grola 08 (T)

 

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Hot and iced tea.

 

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Cheese selection (T)

 

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Tafferty Tart

Caramelised apple, fennel, rose and candied lemon.

(W) Delamotte rose NV. (L-A)

 

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The BFG

Black forest gateau.

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 Whisky wine gums

 

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“Like a kid in a sweet shop”

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Gyokuro tea (B)

 

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Coffee.

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The final bill, including a voluntary  “service charge” VAT, and all the food and drinks, was just over  £780.00. Yes, you read that I right, pounds not dollars. I’d have happily paid double that. After the meal we were so full, but totally enraptured and entranced by the whole experience, we were on cloud nine.

 I drove back to Devon while Bethy slept, Lee-Anne stayed awake most of the journey. When we got back we had cheese on toast and wine to finish off the day.

*It may not be a “one off” experience of a lifetime, if we ever get the chance we’re determined to go back again.