Paradictionary. |

For many years now there has been debate, in the more cerebral corner of the paragliding world, about the need to "own" our own vocabulary. Some have gone to the extent as to say that if we do not own the language we do not own the sport* So in the interests of all my fellow pilots I have gone to the trouble of collecting the range of unique words used in our sport. I hope that all will help me by adding to it**. The final form of this should become the standard lexicon for paragliding.

Underlined words are references to other items in the dictionary.

Abatude: The friendly banter between paraglider and hanglider pilots sat on top of a hill when the wind is a little too strong for one sport, and a little too weak for the other.

Arboreecha: Involuntary tree pruning done by unwary pilots, or those experiencing duntage or thrups. This normally involves severed lines, torn gliders, extreme expense and minimal tree damage. (Not to be confused with hegering or fryability.)

Adottle: The sort of pilot who can never find a thermal, not even when he’s in one.

Beely: The sort of woman whose idea of heaven is to drive to the top of flying sites, stand around in rapt admiration, make sure the flask is always full of hot sweet tea, take photos, collect from retrieves, drive to the boozer, buy the beers, and finish the day by saying "gosh that was fun, let’s do it again tomorrow." Looks are unimportant.

Beeragate: To navigate cross-country with the set goal of landing at a specific pub.

Blooterly: The look of pleasure on an equipment salesman’s face, as he watches someone retrieve what’s left of their kit following their indulgence in an arboreecha, and he mentally tots up the costs of their loss.

Bootchy: The strained attempts by pilots not to giggle when watching beginners take off, as they know that should they so much a crack a smile the wind gods will put a curse on their next take off, possibly a curse which includes a large helping of cow manure and several rocks.

Broxon: The look on the face of a pilot who has just been told for the seventh time that: "we’re going on holiday as a family, and you’re not to take your glider. And that’s that!"

Clagge: The realisation, ten minutes into a perfect flight, that you really should have gone to the toilet before taking off.

Clips; The honour, reserved by the chief instructor, of helping attractive lady students "do up their harness properly". Traditionally exercised exclusively by head instructors, unless their wives are around, due to the risk of a cuppy developing.

Cruddage: The oaths given off by either paraglider or hanglider pilots when the wind increases or drops, during a bout of abatude.

Cuppy: The fight that inevitably breaks out between pilots when the hilltop has the chief instructors wife and an attractive female student on it concurrently.

Dufferage: The oldest pilot in the club. One who remembers what gliders used to be like in the old days, and how pilots were real men in those day, and never tires of telling people at club meetings.

Duntage: The sudden loss of memory experienced by learner pilots on taking off from a new high point. The sufferer usually forgets such things as which hand is the "left", his name, what the control handles are for, and how to control a bladder.

Drupertine: The feeling in the pit of your stomach when it’s all gone to rags an it’s time to throw the reserve.

Edduring: The art of ensuring you are not the person sat next to a dufferage at club meetings.

Edulocating: The sudden and inevitable change in a Beely on getting married. Can result in divorce, or a pilot becoming a wheedly.

Effintit: The sort of well meaning beginner who can completely wreck your glider while "lending a hand" during take off. This normally involves him treading cow crap into the canopy, tangling your lines up in his specs, and falling backwards onto electric fences.

Ficcialite: The smug grin on a flying instructors face when he speaks to a group of students for the first time, gestures at the hillside, and inevitably says: "welcome to my office."

Flylitus: A debilitating disease, phoned in to your boss by the wife, to let him know you will be off work for a good week or more. An extended "Granny day".

Fraple: A forced landing due experiencing a scutter, normally followed by a whoomping.

Fryability: The discovery that a fence is of the electric variety, by landing on one, or less fortunately by slashering.

Gizmo: The person in a flying club with the most gadgets.

Gooberage: An argument over the nature of thermals by two learner pilots, both of whom would experience an extreme thermalaxative effect if they were to find themselves in the thermals discussed.

Granny day: The inability to attend work on a perfect flying day, due to attending your grandmother’s funeral. Some unlucky pilots have lost up to seven grandmothers in a good season.

Groobered: The look on the face of a pilot, sat on a beach with his family, watching other pilots flying a perfect sea site, while his glider is 700 kilometres safely hidden away under the stairs. This is normally accompanied by an absolute refusal to do anything at all or to; "for Christ’s sake cheer up and at least look like you’re enjoying yourself for the kids sake."

Haggerall: A bizarre ritual seen on low wind days, where several men in green flying suits walk around the top of a hill holding their arms out to the sides, hands palm forward, invoking the wind gods by muttering under their breath.

Hedgering: A landing accident caused by the hedges at the landing field suddenly growing by over a foot in height as one approaches them, just out of sheer malice.

Houlagge: The dilemma faced twenty minutes into a perfect flight, when the clagge has become much, much, more than just a matter for contemplation.

Idiochrome: A new coating for sunglasses which enables the wearer to see thermal activity in 3D flouroscope vision, giving him an unfair advantage over other pilots. (Available only from Taff via his e-bay store $564.00 a pair)

Imprise: The rare ability to take random days of during the week as the flying weather fluctuates, due to the person being self-employed, or having a very understanding boss, or owning a flying school. Can be used as the correct term for a pilot who also happens to be a smug bastard.

Installation Landing: The ability of hanglider pilots to create new public sculptures by landing their craft at high speed inside various objects; i.e. Cars, houses, cows, light aircraft.

Jampled: The technical term for a glider packed away by a keen beginner, or any packing of a glider that results in the owner taking a fortnights work to sort the lines out.

Jeepsy: The intense shared joy of all concerned when watching some smug rich git dent his brand new Landrover while driving the wrong way to a site top.

Jooply: The look of intense delight experienced by a groobered pilot on being told he can; "get a flight in, just the one, if you can borrow someone’s kit."

Kammerding: A gonad shrinking experience caused by the elusiveness of the reserve handle.

Keepaly: The happy, happy to the point of insane, behaviour of normally placid pilots when an instructor turns up at the hilltop with an attractive female student. Can result in duntage even amongst experienced pilots.

Kostaloticus: The Turkish Island constantly discussed by overseas pilots. A place with perfect paragliding conditions year round. There the beer is cheap, the winds perfect, the sun warm, the women beautiful and the flight potential unlimited. Also known as "that sodding hole I spent a rainy fortnight in last year."

Krapitude: The experience during highly thermic conditions which results in the houlagge becoming more a practical problem rather than one of decision, as the decision has been made for you. Also known as a thermalaxative.

Limasol: The sort of beginner who turns up for his first lesson knowing all there is to know about glider aspect ratios, involute thermals, bi-spectral wave clouds, German radio frequencies and other such esoteric stuff, but cannot ever seem to manage to do up a harness properly.

Litimitagaseous: A drunken flight description, given to anyone who will listen, by a someone on successfully completing a beeragate flight, especially when the retrieve takes more than two hours to arrive.

Lospropery: The overwhelming joy of finding the contents of beginners pockets around the hilltop following a mosteride take off. This can include small coins, wallets, cameras, cigarettes, varios, GPS, and if the gods are smiling, photos of his wife on a nudist beach.

Madgering: The jostling and elbowing by pilots determined to be at the front of the gate when a comp is about to start. May develop into a whoomering.

Mosteride: The sort of take off only achieved by people on their first day of training. This involves much collapsing of the canopy, tripping over rocks, sideways trundles into hedges, and eventually results in the person taking off facing backwards and often upside down. The sort of take off that experienced pilots try to do when engaged in keepaly.

Moulargh: The sudden, intense, duntage experience by a Gizmo, when he realises he’s in the air and all his batteries have failed.

Munterage: The sickening realisation when drupertine is in full flow, that the kammerding is due a missing, rather than elusive, reserve handle, due to the fact that you have not yet got around to fitting your new reserve.

Nastugalt: The realisation by a flying instructor that he has just sent a raw beginner off the hill into the biggest thermal in creation, and that they may not land until a week next Wednesday, if ever.

Nooker: The sort of guy who learns to fly paragliders in the vain hope of it making him more attractive to the opposite sex.

Nookereen: A girl brought to a club meeting by a Nooker. Normally seen leaving the meeting with the clubs chief instructor, the clubs best pilot, anyone who owns a paraglider other than a Nooker in fact, or even the barman.

Perspctol: The final realisation that the wind is not going to get above 2 mph today, and subsequent packing up of all equipment, and going home, or at least to the pub.

Point landing: A complex landing, usually achieved by a beginner or over confident pilot, on one point of their anatomy, normally their nose.

Pratitis: The overwhelming urge to buy idiochrome sunglasses off the net, at 3.00 am in the morning, after the best part of a bottle of scotch. This phenomena has made a certain Welshman very rich.

Quages: The time spent talking up paragliding, normally in poetical and heroic terms, to any non pilot at the site who shows an interest.

Quenter: The intense sorrow felt by a jooply pilot on realising that he has left his license and all ID back at home, and that his chances of borrowing a strangers kite are nil divided by six.

Quottage: The inevitable stumble and kiss of the turf on take off which follows a bout of quages. If the person talked to is of the opposite sex and attractive, add a sprained ankle for good measure.

Rodeo: To land in a field of cows.

Rondeono: To land on a cow in a field of cows.

Rodeoargh: To land on a spot recently vacated by a cow, on which they have left you something hot and wet to soften your landing.

Scut: To fly low over a nudist beach.

Scutter: The surprise of spotting your wife and her boss getting overly friendly while you are out having a scut.

Scutitudity: Intense rage brought on by a scutter. (Especially when you remember your wife agreed to your going flying, and that she had told you she was going to work and was expecting "a hard time off the boss today".).

Scurlage: The smell given off by a flying suit after a week constant flying.

Slashering: The communal group urination taken before take off, usually up against a hedge, and when female students are present accompanied by shouts of "there goes me ballast" and "this is where the big knobs hang out". Can lead to fryability if caution is not exercised.

Smutton: The smug look on the face of a newbie pilot who has just watched the club chairman take off sideways and into a radio mast.

Speccage: Coin-sized wet spots on a beginners trousers, usually seen following a bad case of duntage.

Sundowner: The last flight of a day, usually taken by someone who has driven from work for two hours to get to the site, taken as the sun sets.

Thamattude: The brief feeling of almost Zen calm during a highly thermic and risky bit of flying. Occurs just before the reality of the situation, the true extent of your ability, and the fact that you have just entered a major airport’s airspace, hits home. Quickly followed by krapitude

Thrups: The realisation during a sundowner, that the landing field will be in complete darkness, wherever it actually is. Normally followed by ummberage.

Ummberage: the sudden realisation that you haven’t the foggiest idea where you are, apart that is from over 900 foot above the ground.

Vecrapity: The art of sending smug rich gits the wrong way to the top of flying sites in the hope of engendering Jeepsy in the gathered pilots, a truly selfless act.

Wheedely: A pilot only let out of the house twice a year, and then only when the lawn is perfectly mown, the house painted and all the dishes done.

Whooning: The correct term for a group of pilots staring at a windsock, willing it to blow in the right direction.

Whoomping: A fight engaged in by someone still attached to a semi-inflated paraglider. If wind conditions are favourable it can quickly become the sort of fight scene only previously seen on Jackie Chan movies. Can normally be witnessed at competitions and on nudist beaches.

Xtrensor: The inevitable phone call off friends which follows the day after you experience perspectol. This will without fail include the words "picked up a treat" and "just after you left" and "70 km cross country, broke the site record."

*This is the sort of thing that academics always say. They think it compensates them for their poor flying ability.

** Send prospective entries to the usual address, accompanied by a $20.00 editorial fee. Inclusion in the final printed copy does not include any right to a share of the royalties.