(don’t hate me for this…)

I had lost the password to a small superannuation account I had paid into for a year, one which has been left alone unremarked on as it only had a very small sum in it. I asked for a new password; the nice young lady said; “Oh Mr Thomas, do you know you have two accounts with us?”

I didn’t know that, I thought I only had the one, which had about £5,100 in it. She duly gave me the details of the other, and on opening it, I found it had another £3,360 in it. (I’ve had the two rolled into one, and will keep it maturing as an “emergency fund”.)

Then, we paid our annual visit to our Goth accountant, Matt. This, regular readers will know, is something which I’ve been doing over here, I just relied on PAYE in Blighty. He worked his magic, tossed figures about willy-nilly while we just sat and nodded and pretended we knew what he was going on about. He showed us the final workings, a tasty rebate of £5300.

Good things come in threes?

Our UK tenant gave her notice in, but when I logged onto my Lloyds account, I found we had one more month’s rent than we had anticipated, plus some deposit money back; another £700.

How good is all that?

Not only that, but we’ve now got the “Superannuation Statements” we were hanging on, and fuck me sideways, we can do it! Yes, we have sufficient funds in my super to live off, until L~A’s matures, (I still open my super statement at least 6 times a week, just in case I’d got it wrong the last time.) We are basing our assumptions/planning on $1 = 50p, we’ve estimated on the side of caution.

The $Au vs the £ exchange rate over the past 10 years can be seen here.

This being the case, I’m retiring on Jan 7th. 2018. (Ok, now you can hate me!)

Just to rub salt in, I’m having a few week’s holiday at Xmas before I retire, so my actual last day of work is 1/12/17.

As of today, (2/10/17) I have eight working weeks left, but I’ve handed my notice in already, so the team can get a full run up at replacing me.(Impossible I know.)

Most people in my profession suffer “burn out” prior to leaving work, what I’m finding with 8 weeks to go, is that I am experiencing “compassion fatigue.” I’ve worked in mental health for the past 30 years, and in intensive mental health for the past 14. Funnily enough, this has been the best job I have ever had, reasonably well paid, rewarding and even exciting.

If I didn’t have the chance to retire early I’d be happy to stay in it.

But I’m now at the stage where I can no longer pretend to care. If the punters want to smoke dope and go off the rails, stuff them, that’s their choice. If they think I am going to back them up in their lies to get more dole, they can think again. If they refuse to take their meds and end up back in hospital, I hope they enjoy their stay.

Not good of me I know, but in some cases it seems to be making the more sensible ones think twice before acting.

Dear god this plan is so fucking scary, we’re taking a huge risk here.

We think we’ve got enough funds to live a modest lifestyle in the UK, and to do up our house, so it becomes what we want of it as a potential “forever home.” Luckily, due to the way it was built, it means it’s going to be reasonably easy to gut inside and to refashion, (he said, hearing the laughter from Harness, Nicol and Kingman ringing in his ears.)

The plan is for me to come back, first so I’ve booked my ticket and I fly on January 16th, (coming home via Melbourne and Dubai, arriving at Theifrow on the 17th.) God it was odd to be booking a one-way ticket. We’ve put in, using our “Frequent Flyer” points for me to come back “Business class”, there’s posh. But seeing as we don’t have any “Status Credits” I’ll be at the back of the queue when the seats are upgraded, and probs won’t get one.

Then the mutts fly over on Feb 6th courtesy of Jetpets.. This is now all sorted, apart from paying. It’s costing more to fly them over than me and L~A combined.  I’ll happily admit I’m worried about our boys flying, Digby is ever so nervous, and Ginger is…Ginger…They will keep me company, until L~A flies over sometime around the end of March.

The plan is for me to get as much of the house, (plus a conservatory,) built/rebuilt before L~A lands. We’ve also been negotiating with the lovely Mr Hicks the farmer, and may have scored ourselves an extension to our lands, (ok the parking place behind the house,) and an allotment!

L~A has committed to return to Aus after 2 years, to live with her mother, and to work until her superfund reaches full maturity. By that time we’ll know for certain whether L~A wants to remain in the UK, or whether we will need to renegotiate our country of residence. Thanks Christ I’m a true blue Aussie these days, and can return to live here should the need arise.

On the subject of which; L~A now has a British passport!!

She was never in any doubt she’d get one, but me, being “Mr Glass Half Full”, was shitting it. What with the whole Brexit farrago, and the horror stories of people being told to leave and what have you, I did think this would be the spanner in the works of our plan. But no, all is good, and we now enjoy the luxury of two passports, one Pommy, one Aussie, each. L~A is still seriously thinking of applying for a NZ one, as her father was a Kiwi, passport one upmanship at its finest.

We’ve also contracted Chess removals to do our furniture, and had a lovely chap by the name of John around to tell us the ins and outs. We’ve been living in a small house for the past four years, which is fortunate as our place in Cornwall isn’t any bigger. We’re bringing over a half a 40 foot container of stuff. This leaves our house on Jan 10th, and will take three months to get there, so I’ll be living on, and sleeping on, the floor until they get the beds and furniture there. It’s worked out a lot cheaper that I thought it would, at $6,100. We’re hoping to flog off a lot of stuff, or to donate it to the Salvos.

Anyone want to buy a cheap Mazda Premacy?

Part of all of this was doing a “TOR” (transfer of residence) application. As meaningless pieces of bureaucracy go this was a good’n. We filled in a form which basically asked; “Do you want to come to the UK to live?” and “Are you nice people, and how many dogs do you have?” we did this, lying constantly,  and they replied; “Ok, you can come back then,” and sent us a number. This number allows us to import our furniture and dogs. Great.

I was on a forum the other day and this quote caught my eye;

So out of those, the main money eaters will be the one’s I’ve marked with an asterisk*, though most require petrol outlay. Still, hopefully we’ll fill our time, without breaking the bank

So, that’s the score on our retirement so far. I’ll update you as and when.

Bethy continue to impress. Remember her art exhibition? I got this in an email off her following that;

My professor from exquisite is writing a paper for the Australian Council of Universities of art and design. My art and is being included along with one other work. so I am pretty pleased about that. 🙂 I am glad it was me and Rhys featured. He and I worked SUPER hard.
Also I got 89.06% in my neuro test and 87% on my lab report, and 94% on my cancer quiz

Not only that, but the boys under 11 yrs basketball team she coaches, Belconnen Ramblers,  went and won the bloody league!!

Her and Brandon celebrated their 5 th anniversary together recently. Dear god….

It was L~A’s birthday the other day, she’s now… a year older than last year… I got her some silly gifts,  and we decided to try out the dining experience at a place that L~A had always wanted to visit. Here’s my review of it, I know Mr Kingman loves these.

Ok, after our disastrous trip to “Monster Bar”, (see my review,) I was thinking we may stick to tried and tested Canberra favourites, such as Courgette or Waters Edge, or Sage. My wife however, had different ideas.
For her birthday we ended up at Charcoal Grill, what a find!!. The decor there is mindblowing, classic 70’s chic, with a hint of wine cellar. We were shown to our table by our server, who was first rate, on a par with any we have had the pleasure of being waited on by, (inc those at The Fat Duck & Restaurant Nathan Outlaw.)
All the food was generous in serving, cooked to perfection, and classic. None of the current trend for tiny portions, dressed up with flowers and smears of paste. This was hearty meat or fish based classic French/Aussie food. I had the Deep Fried Camembert for starter, (my cholesterol level went up just looking at it.) I had the fish for main, it was so good I can compare it to Rick Stein courses. Every one of our group of five were totally sated by the first two serves, but that didn’t stop some of us, (not me,) having desert.
Their wine list is probably one of the best in Canberra. They also carry some class whiskies, though unfortunately, there was no cheese plate
The one thing I found oddest about the place was that it wasn’t full of tattooed and bearded hipsters. This place is the genuine retro experience, one that those types can only dream of emulating. I suppose I should be glad of that. (BTW If you’re a vege, forget it this place makes no concessions.)
I could go on, but I’ll just say; if you want a great meal, one which is filling, tasty, classic, unpretentious, in a class and classic setting, served by genuinely decent people, look no further

Birthday dinner

Note the floating hand there? “The Thing” from the Addams Family?

As a treat we went and saw Tom Gleeson live.

He’s quite well known in Aus, has a comedy/quiz show “Hard Quiz” on the box, but is mainly a stand up. He was hilarious, and, being one of those stand ups who chats with, and insults, the audience, I had a bit of banter with him.

I won.

L~A’s pea palace, remember that? Oh dear. Not only are we now the proud producers of the world’s most expensive fucking peas, but…they are… snow peas.

Pea palace

We don’t like snow peas, never eat the fuckers.

We’ve a couple of treats coming up.This weekend we’re seeing “Crazy Horse” from Paris.This is a “burlesque” show, so will be sophisticated and exotic.

“Inspired by the endless theme of femininity, Le Crazy has perfected its creation of shows combining creativity and audacity with a stunningly beautiful cast of classically trained female dancers, performing bathed in rich coloured lights. The show presents itself as a unique kaleidoscope of beauty, grace, passion and precision.”

They aint strippers.No stuffing tenners in their bras, and definitely no wanking off in the auditorium.

We’ve booked  a whale watching trip later this month, god I’m going to miss whale watching! 🙁

We’ve also got tickets for the Ashes match in Sydney.Though I’m hoping England will have got their shit together by then, and stopped this idea of thinking they are a boxing troupe rather than a cricket team.The wankers.

The match starts on my Birthday, and ends on the day I retire. Neat!

Poor old Big Dog (aka Ginger,) has been in the wars. He started developing a lump on his foot, we took him to the vet, she said; “It’s a big wart, but he’s worrying at it, and I’d like to check that it’s not cancerous.” No worries, book him in, he’s our boy. Then she noticed he had a growth under his eye, so that had to be investigated. Then she said; “His teeth could do with a scrape.”

What can you say? I was half expecting her to add; “Can we interest you in our “second mortgage” facility?” 

Big Dog does his “love me” look.

But he’s all well and happy now.

Big news over here is the “Gay Marriage” referendum. We voted, “yes” natch.

Then some fucker went and headbutted Tony Abbott, our ex-Prime Minister, who is a proud “Anti” of gay marriage. That cheered me up no end, I wanted to set up a crowd-funder cause to buy  the geezer a beer a week for life. God I hate Abbott, did you know he’s one of the main leaders of the “No” campaign, despite the fact that his sister is lesbian, and his daughter is an active “Yes” vote campaigner. Fuck the man, I wish a plague of boils on him.

We had some snow over winter, but nothing worth bragging about. Now we’re definitely in spring, and it’s getting hot again. I cannot wait to get back to Blighty and the wind and the rain. Seriously.

Thanks to all of you who sent Jamesy 60th Birthday cards. Unfortunately it didn’t work and he’s now categorically stated that he will not visit us.

This month’s photo gallery can be found here.

That’s it from me folks, live long and enjoy life.

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