Click on any image to see a larger version.
Click here to see this month’s’ gallery, lots of kookaburras in it
Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight
Two lovers missing the tranquillity of solitude
Getting a cab and travelling on buses
Reading the graffiti about slashed seat affairs
I said, that’s entertainment, that’s entertainment
Heh, so the last month or so has been a heady whirlwind of seeing stuff. So I’ll get that out of the way first. My usual batch of cock-ups will be at the end, you can skip the next bits if you like.
Resident Alien.
Ok, this was odd, and for a number of reasons.
The main one being that if, like me, your only knowledge of Quentin Crisp was the famous TV play “The Naked Civil Servant”, which was brilliantly acted by John Hurt, then like me, this portrayal of Quentin Crisp would come as a bit of a shock. It’s a one man play, performed by Paul Capsis.
It shows Crisp at the end of his life, living in a grubby flat which hasn’t been cleaned for four years, eking out a living by dining with strangers. Still as witty and as sharp as ever, his contempt for “celebs” is given full vent. He watches Oprah on a portable television and comments that “the famous don’t need talent”. He also has some choice words about Princess Di too, obviously not a fan of her. One interesting revelation is that Crisp was diagnosed as a transsexual, but declined the opp.
The other thing that made it odd was it was performed “in the round” in a tiny local theatre, so Capsis/Crisp actually was in the audience mingling, which was quite unnerving. Combine that with the dirty set, and the dark and dank lighting, and it was something of a weird one.
Enjoyed it though, would recommend.
Choir of Trinity College Cambridge
I took the mother in law to see these, as she’d never been to a classical / early music gig before. Not too shabby a choir, but a very young group.
Like an idiot, I only went and set myself up for a well deserved slagging off, by letting Kingman know that I had; “found the bass voices not strong enough, as they didn’t have the girth of body to hold the deeper resonant notes. Good pitch though”. He told me what he thought of that comment in no uncertain terms.
The set list wasn’t too bad:
PÄRT Bogoróditse Djévo
BYRD O Lord, Make Thy Servant
TALLIS Salvator mundi
PURCELL Remember Not, Lord, Our Offences
STUCKY O sacrum convivium
EŠENVALDS The Heavens’ Flock
RAUTAVAARA Evening Hymn, Ekteniya
PARK The Wings Of The Wind
ELGAR Give Unto The Lord
TWIST Hymn of Ancient Lands (World Premiere)
Commissioned for Musica Viva by Mary and Paul Pollard
MARTIN Mass for Unaccompanied Double Choir
HOWELLS Te Deum (Collegium Regale)
But not enough early music, my sort of stuff ended at the Purcell piece, a bit too much contemporary stuff for me.
On the way out, we were held up by some old dear, who reached the exits to the car park, blocking in several hundred music fans. She obviously wasn’t prepared to drive on while there was still a car in motion in the same county as her. She even was given a call out by someone who spotted she was stuck, but refused to move.
Peter Garrett and the Alter Egos.
“Who?” I hear you ask. Peter Garrett was not only the front man for the Aussie rock band Midnight Oil, but he was also at one time the Minister for the Environment, Heritage and the Arts in the Aussie government.
The joke at the time was; “What was Peter Garrett’s biggest sell out gig?” I’m sure you can work the answer out yourself.
But I’ll come back to him in a minute.
We decided to make a night out of it, so food and a few beers before the gig? Why not indeed.
Canberra on a Sunday night? Don’t bother! We headed into the seething metropolis of Canberra’s Civic district in the mistaken belief that we were heading into the centre of a capital city.
We ended up at “Outback Jack’s” Pah! Honest to gawd! The only reason we choose Outback Jack’s to dine was there was not another option. This was the only bar like place we could find! In a capital city? Sunday night, and all the bars are shut?!?!? Seriously, this is not good. The lowliest village in England would have a boozer open on a Sunday night.
I nearly jacked it all in when I was told there was only bottled beer, no draught beer, on offer. But needs must when the devil drives.
There was a giant plastic inverted crocodile on the ceiling, the seats were fake crocodile skin, they had a “1 kilo challenge,” league table up on the wall, so we knew we were not in for a night of fine dining. The menu was large, mainly burgers steaks etc.
I had a barramundi burger, (with extra pineapple and jalapenos,) Lee-Anne had the lamb burger. They both came with weird curly “sort of chips but not quite.” The food was distinctly average, not bad, but nothing to write home about. Service was prompt and friendly, none of the servers looked old enough to drink. The kitchen was open to view, which is at least reassuring, but did leave me wondering if the cooks got danger money for breathing in so much smoke.
But the place was rammed, every table was full. Every single one of them. Surely this must give bar owners in Canberra pause for thought? If Outback Jack’s can get a full house on a Sunday, (one suspects only due to lack of other choices, not for the meals,) then it must be worth opening up a proper bar?
Anyway, not too bad grub, in a hideously decorated theme eatery, with no fucking draft beers. 3/10
The gig itself? Not bad, but bloody odd, (again.) We had good seats near the front. The support act, who turned out to be part of Garrett’s band, was a young woman called Abbe May who played and sang the blues, accompanying herself on guitar. Not bad, even though I’m no big fan of blues any more.
Then Garrett and his lot came on. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly like seeing bands whose music I ‘m not familiar with, still, give them a whirl eh? One thing that makes Garrett worth seeing is that he’s a fucking odd looking bugger, he looks like a more beefy version of Nicol. Not only that, but he’s renowned for his “unusual” dancing.
.
So basically he’s a bald, psycho, 63 year old, version of Bez who dances like a pissed up uncle at a rave. Even more like Nicol then.
So, entertaining stuff.
They played stuff off his new solo album, which was mainly Aussie pub rock/MOR stuff, and a few Midnight Oil tracks. You could tell they were Midnight Oil tracks as the rest of the audience went ballistic when they were played. I wouldn’t know a Midnight Oil track from a hatstand to be honest, I’ve never been a fan.
Band shot
At the end they played more Midnight Oil stuff as encores, and the whole audience, yes me included, got up and boogied like very old rock fans. I got this great shot of him doing his stuff.
Peter Garrett
Funny that, I’ve been snapping off photos on me phone during the encores of just about every act we’ve seen of late. What they going to do, throw me out?
Fawlty Towers live on stage.
One day at work I was casually flicking through the local rag when I found this; “ John Cleese says no to actors who looked and behaved like Basil for his Fawlty Towers live show”
Wut?
Grabbing the phone, I rang Lee-Anne; “There’s something on in Sydney we must go see!” “Nope” she replied, being used to my ticket buying obsession, and somewhat less spendthrift than me. “It’s Fawlty Towers” live on stage!!” She didn’t hold out much longer after that. The problem I then encountered was that every other bugger in Aus wanted to see it as well, so the only tickets we could get were apart. Not bad seats, but we weren’t sat next to each other.
I went online to find a hotel, and got a great deal at the, believe it or not, “Ovolo at Wooloomooloo”. Ok, when I say “great deal” I mean, a good price for a central Sydney hotel, or “A very fucking expensive deal,” as you may prefer to call it.
We drove up in Joan, our trusty Subaru. Just outside Sydney our GPS sent us off down a strange, and very obviously wrong, way. “I’ve had e-fucking-nough of this” I cried, “It did the same to me and Brandon when we came up here to see SLF” Lee-Anne stopped me from throwing it out the window. So we used Lee-Anne’s ipad to navigate through Sydney, it got us there no problems.
(A little addendum to this. I was bitching about the GPS to Bethy and Brandon when we got back; “Oh I know why that is,” says Bethy, “I switched it to “avoid motorway tolls” when me and dad borrowed it to go to Queensland. I must have forgotten to switch it back.” Gee, thanks Kid.)
So, to the hotel. Joan gets valet parked, for the first and probably the last time in her existence. It looked like the valet wasn’t used parking such (in)expensive cars, but at least he had the decency to pretend it was roadworthy. Ok, they do charge you $50 to valet park your car, but this is cheap by Sydney prices.
Lobby
The place itself was amazing building, having been tastefully converted from old dockside warehouses, and having kept some features. Are any dockyard warehouses actually used to, you know, warehouse stuff these days? From the moment we walked in, the fun and luxury started, not to mention the outstanding service.
One day all hotels will offer the sort of “perks” this place offers, free wifi, free drinks at happy hour, free minibar, free breakfast. They even go so far as to give you a tote-bag to sequester your “hotel swag” (soaps, shampoos, minibar fridge, TV, ) in!
The young staff, from all around the world, must be under strict orders to be happy, cheerful, obliging, and bloody attractive at all times, but they do carry it off with aplomb.
Two deserve mention. The first guy served me my free beers (I’ll leave you imagine how many of those I managed to sink in “happy hour”,) and bubbly for Lee-Anne. Working behind the bar with him was a very tall, stunningly gorgeous, girl with legs up to her armpits. To compliment this she was wearing a semi-see-through skirt, which just about covered her crotch, and a pair of mid thigh “hold up” stockings. (I’ve always had a thing for hold-ups.) Catching me ogling her, he quipped; “It gets hard working behind here.”
I bet it does. Mine did, and I was only looking.
The bar, free beer!!
The other was a young gay Italian bloke, who had the best hipster moustache I’ve seen. It was one of those which curled up into a perfect circle at the ends. I informed him that, sadly, and at my advanced age, I couldn’t yet grow a decent moustache. He replied that I looked great even without one, which made my night. (I think I was in there!)
Just to add to the treat we decided to eat at “Harry’s Cafe’ de Wheels” a veritable Sydney institution.
Harry’s
For those of you who know Plymouth, Harry’s a bit like Cap’n Jaspers on the Barbican, though far older than that, Harry’s opened in 1938! Lovely, lovely, lovely. For our first round we had the fish pie. Later in the evening, after the play, we had the vege pie, which was not too shabby either.
Pie!
The pies are served topped with mash, mushy peas and gravy, which makes them heavenly.
(Why can I not get marrowfat peas in Oz to make my own mushy peas? I’m bereft.)
Amazing opening hours, it’s open on the weekends 9.00am – 4.00am, and you get great service. It was really nice to see which “celebs” have eaten there in the past, memorialised in images on the van. Out of all of them, I wouldn’t mind a pie with Pammy.
Pie and Pammy
So, to the play!
The set
Ok, so what they’ve done is taken three classic episodes (Hotel Inspectors/Communication problems/The Germans,) set them end to end, with plenty of overlap, and added linking bits.
Not badly done at all, but, obviously, not as good as the originals. Unfortunately Basil’s shoes are too big to fill, no one could replace or replicate the intense melange of barely suppressed fury, lust, class envy and obsequiousness that Cleese brought to the role. But the “Sybil” “Polly” “Manuel” characters pull it off. “Polly” was virtually identical to the young Connie Booth. The Major and Mr Hutchinson were not too bad either.
They cut the racist bits out Major’s “India” speech, which is unfortunately only to be expected in these PC days. FFS, are we not adults? Can we not deal with some words which may offend others?
However the show is stolen by the “Mrs Richards” character, who, though no Joan Sanderson, was very much the intensely, nasty, irritating, and venomous old bat.
A great time reciting, sotto voce, all the best one liners was had by all.
The cast
That’s the reviews, now for the cock ups. Oh wait, just a reminder, in “events coming up” we have;
Australia vs New Zealand ODI: 6th December
Bill Bailey “Larks in Transit”: 8th December
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Not only that but I’ve also gone and got us tickets for the PM’s XI which, for the first time, is being played as a Twenty/20 match. Great stuff!
Oh, we’ve also booked a few days down the coast, at our fave place there “Heaven No 2”. (Don’t sulk please, come on, we haven’t had a holiday since being in Blighty last December.) We’ve also taken a couple of weeks off for when we host the lovely Alan & Jo Harness in November.
Coming home from work one day, I looked down at what I thought was my work ID card on the floor outside the garage. “Thank fuck I found that!” I thought to myself. But then I realised, I’d just come home from work, and had been using my ID all day. It’s a bit of a sin to lose them, mine not only gives me access to our offices with its drug cabinet, but it also opens all the doors at the local psychiatric wards.
I read the card, it belonged to a dental nurse. The next day at work, I looked her up in the internal directory and rang her. It told her I had found it. “Thank god! Where was it?” I gave our address, ”I’ve never been there in my life!” After that she started getting a bit wary. She agreed to come and pick it up the next day, and duly turned up on our doorstep.
She, very kindly, gave me a box of choccies for finding it, but then launched into a series of questions that left me in no doubt that she was still worried I may be stalking her.
She wasn’t tasty enough to justify the effort I’m afraid.
I had to do a mandatory “Respect in the workplace” course the other day. It was the usual PC bollocks about bullying, sexual harassment, racism, etc. Basically, we’re to be nice to one another, and not be racist or sexist or bullies, and everyone gets lots of leeway for their incompetence, apart from Taff.
It’s lucky they force these mandatory courses on us, or all these highly qualified professional care workers may go on National Front marches or something. I mean, those knobends who actually are racist, homophobic, or who are just plain twats, aren’t going to change their attitudes because they’ve been lectured/bored shitless about how “Bullying is a very bad thing and can impact people’s self esteem” are they?
Anyway, during this three hours of utter tedium, we were given a “scenario to reflect on”, and to “feedback your thoughts, if you don’t feel too threatened or under duress, by sharing with the group”. Yes, they did speak like that. Our table got; “You have been outed as gay without your permission by a colleague, and now other staff members appear to be treating you differently. What would your response be?”
Apparently ; “I’d punch his fucking face inside out” isn’t in the manual.
The nice people at the National Arboretum got in touch to tell me they were using my “Cork Forrest” image to promote a survey they were doing.
Arb
Fame at last!
Arb 2
Not only that, but the people who run the posh restaurant there, “Ginger Catering” had used it to promote a “Hansel and Gretel” evening they were having. Glory!
Hi Taff,
FYI, your gorgeous photo of the Cork oak forest is being used alot here atm. It’s on the verso of a business card and DL flier I’m using to encourage visitors to participate in our survey. It’s on the front of the A4 flier. Hope you like them. See attached – some are low res versions and your image looks even better on the high res print versions. I’ll also put the image on the large grove screen in the Village Centre. It will also be on our website but isn’t live yet.
It’s one of the best Cork oak images I have and thank you again for letting us use it!
Lynne Sealie | Communication and Marketing Coordinator | National Arboretum Canberra
Then “Ginger catering” got in touch to offer us two seats at the event!
Hi Taff,
We are so glad you are happy with the image we really thought it was stunning! We would also like to invite you (and a guest) as our guests to The Kitchen Cabinet Dinner – Hansel + Gretel which you have assisted us promoting. The dinner is on Wednesday the 24th of August from 6pm in The Conservatory Restaurant at the Arboretum.
I have also just seen someone commented on our post on Facebook about how stunning the photo is and asked what graphic studio was commissioned for it, would you like us to put your details?
Please let me know if you would be interested in attending it would be a pleasure to have you there.
Regards,
Georgi Meynink
Bloody typically, not only was the event on a night when I was working, but the menu, promoting a local producer, was a set one, and was meat, meat, meat, duck, and more meat. I rang them, and thanked them for the invite, but politely declined a freebie. Bugger. It was $90 a head too, and we know they do great grub.
Last month I was banging on about my brand new phone, having run over my old iphone while parking my car. I do love the devices, and can now see why people are addicted to them.
However Edison park, which I pass through every day on my way too and from work, is now haunted by some zombie-like creatures, who wander around aimlessly staring into their phones.
Frigging Pokemon hunters.
I mean FFS. It’s not just kids, fully grown adults are at it. Even the ubber-Geek Brandon indulges. In my day we didn’t need phones, if we wanted to hunt invisible Japanese cartoon characters when we were kids, then we just dropped acid.
Going home through the park the other day, I was following along behind an Indian kid. He would have been some twenty five years old or so. He was oblivious to the world outside his phone, as not only was his head down, totally absorbed by the screen, but he also had headphones on. He must have captured or killed a Pokemon, or whatever the fuck you do with them, as he stopped and did a little dance of joy. Then he turned and saw that he was not alone in the world, and that I had watched him do his jig. I smiled at him. To say he looked embarrassed is the understatement of the year.
Just to put myself back in place; coming out of our local shops the other night, I noticed something on the ground, just under my front wheel. Yup, it was my new phone. How I do it I don’t know. To run over two phones in two months would have been some achievement, even by my standard of cock ups.
We’ve had a couple of Kookaburras coming to our garden on a regular basis. Mainly because Lee-Anne feeds them best mince. Seeing as they get so close, I’ve managed to fire off a fair few shots of them. The one below must be one of, if not the, best wildlife shot I’ve ever taken.
Loads more kookaburra shots in the gallery, here.
Ok, some sad news for music fans. After years of using Propellerhead’s Reason software, or DAW as it’s known, to make bloody awful music, I’ve finally bit the bullet. No I’ve not given up, I’ve gone and bought the software.
Yes, an actual “paid for” version.
“Why” I hear you ask. “Why us? What did we do which was bad enough for us to deserve this aural torture?” I hear some of you add. Well it’s like this. I’ve been using it since “Reason 1” which was released, and cracked, in 2000.The last cracked version available was “Reason 5”, which came out in 2010, and was cracked soon after. I’d been using that since then.
No cracked version of Reason has been put on the torrents newer than Reason 5, they must have solved the cracking problem after that. The bastards.
The software kept on developing and improving and advancing, but so did the cracking prevention security. I had kept watching their press releases, and youtube trailers, on the newest versions, with new instruments and effects being added. I’d seen the ability of Reason to make great music advancing, and with some envy I must say. Then last month they brought out a new version, “Reason 9”.
This was too much to bear.
Having an absolute babe of a wife, who I informed (i.e.bored the tits off, ) with reasons why I must at last buy Reason, I was told, yet again*; “Go ahead, buy it. It’s not like you won’t use it.” She didn’t even insist on her “NOT having to listen to my monotonous dirges” as one of the clauses to my buying it.
-
the utter sweetheart has in the past said exacty the same about me paying $$$ for a camera.
I thought I’d found a way of getting it dirt cheap by buying an “cut down” version “Reason Essentials”, which I could then upgrade for a knock-down price. I was wrong. I did end up getting it slightly cheaper, but only $20 -4$0 in the end.
But I’ve got it, installed it and am now on a VERY steep learning curve. But dear god, the audio rendering is superb.
My first plan is to go back to the very beginning, and to re-record and master all my first “symphonies”. I’ll let you know how I get on. (Please don’t write back complaining, no one HAS to listen to them.)
“So, how are your retirement plans coming on Taff?” I hear absolutely no one ask. All a bit of a curate’s egg actually. On the plus side; remember I said we were hanging on to see how much I had got saved up in my superannuation plan, to see if we could fund five years of early retirement? Well the statements are in, and mine looks good enough to keep the bailiffs from the door, at least until Lee-Anne’s fund matures.
On the down side; one of the things were hoping would put a few bob in the bank before our return was the rent on our house in Cornwall. As we’ve paid off the mortgage we thought it would be a nice little earner.
Not quite:
21/06/2016 Management Fee Charge at 12.50% (£87.50 + VAT @ 20.00%) £105.00
21/06/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by youngs wasteaway £140.00
21/06/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by HOME CHOICE CARPETS £367.00
21/06/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by JD Carpentry £494.75
21/07/2016 Management Fee Charge at 12.50% (£87.50 + VAT @ 20.00%) £105.00
21/07/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by JD Carpentry £406.75
21/07/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £995.00
28/07/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £441.48
28/07/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £365.27
28/07/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £154.11
03/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by s warren £45.00
03/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by EDF £20.00
03/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £240.00
03/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by HOME CHOICE CARPETS £60.00
03/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Handy Heath £40.00
23/08/2016 Management Fee Charge at 12.50% (£87.50 + VAT @ 20.00%) £105.00
23/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Amos pumps (uk) Ltd £100.80
23/08/2016 Supplier Payment: Maintenance by Amos pumps (uk) Ltd £189.00
Total expenditure £3,166.55
Oh my aching wallet! Not really a “nice little earner” that, is it?
Well another month comes and goes, and I’ve poured my heart out in a desperate angst ridden plea for communication from friends far and wide. What will I get in return I wonder?
Well no, I don’t wonder actually. “Sweet fuck all” probably, as is usually the norm.
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