Not many images in this month’s diatribe, so click on the one above, or any of the ones below, if you’re interested in seeing the snaps in this month’s gallery. (Go on, you know you want too.)
How’s your health Taff?
Buggered as per norm mate.
I went to see the quack a few weeks back, did the normal tests, and the results were, at first, promising. My cholesterol was down from astronomically high to just stratospherically high. The statins must be working then.
She told me I needed to up my intake of Vit D supplements, (the sunshine vitamin FFS,) as my Vit D level was still too low, but at least the levels were at recordable levels now.
Then we get to the liver function, and the cheeky cow starts asking me the questions we use on our punters to check if they are alkies! I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. (No offence meant to my mates who are in AA, you know who you are.) She asked me if I; “Ever have an eye opener, to get you going in the morning?” I was on the verge of being insulted, but seeing as I have asked innumerable people that myself, I took it on the chin. No I haven’t, ever, not once, in case you are wondering. Have you ever read Frank Skinner’s or Keith Chegwin’s autobiographies? Their descriptions of the times when they were so addicted to booze that they were keeping bottles of Scotch (Chegwin,) or bottles of Pernod (Skinner,) next to their beds in order to get functioning in the morning, is enough to put anyone off alcohol for life. Seriously, if I ever found myself doing that I’d quit alcohol forever.
But she convinced me that my intake was still too high. Bollocks. Have a “Dry July” anyone? I did. Well I nearly did. Fuck off.
I’ve been given a liver MRI scan form, and another blood test path form, and have to get both done before going back to see her in September. So after this good news, only then did I catch the flu. (Not “man flu”, real fucking flu.)
I noticed something was wrong on the Friday night. I was the only one on duty that evening, and, as is my wont, I bought myself in a big bag of fish and chips to make it bearable. I’d just finished the lot, when … BOAK!!!… Up they all came again, all over the office floor. Pretty lucky I was the only one working then in that case.
That was odd, but I just put it down to a bad bit of fish or something. I cleaned up the office floor. Stupidly, I cleaned up using some unlabeled cleaning stuff that I found under the kitchen sink there. I ended up with the carpet around my desk at least four shades lighter than the rest of the office carpet. Now every fucker wants clean carpet on their patch.
The next two days were my day off, but by the Sunday I was feeling well out of things. I took the dogs for a walk, driving back I realised I should not be behind the wheel. Mainly due to the fact that I was starting to hallucinate. Getting home I dried off the dogs, and went in. I stuck my camera bag in the laundry, and took the dog towel into the computer room.
I then took the dog towel to the laundry, and retrieved my camera kit from in there. Lucky I didn’t stick it in the washing machine. (That’s Lee-Anne’s job.)
I knew I was going down, so I phoned into work and let them know I couldn’t cover my next few shifts. I decided to get a sick cert there and then, while I was still crook. Going to see the quack when you have just recovered is a nightmare, I end up make myself ill just to look convincing when I’m trying to get signed off. Seeing as it was a Sunday, I decided to use the “drop in centre” doctors, as my surgery wasn’t open, and they always have a waiting list of some days before you can get seen there.
I rocked up to the walk in centre at midday, signed up for seeing a GP,and was told; “There’ll be about a 5o minute wait.” No worries, I popped home had a cuppa and grabbed my Kindle, I went back within half an hour.
Three and a half hours, and a flat Kindle battery, later, I got to see a GP. He signed me off without hesitating, and relieved me of $70.00 for the service.
How’s the new car going Taff?
Not too shabby to be honest. But!! When we took it to the garage to get it serviced, inevitably they had a trick up their sleeve; “It’s just clocked up 300,000 kilometres Taff, when did it last have a new timing chain fitted?” Fucked if I know, nothing was said about one on the sale receipt. Subarus are notorious for going through timing chains. Just to be on the safe side we had a new one fitted. At $900.00 a go.
Let’s just say we paid $3150.00 for the “new” motor then, shall we?
But it’s been going great guns, and is now known as “Joan”, as we thought calling it “New Gregg” was particularly unimaginative. Why Joan? The last four letters of the number plate are JO4N. Neat eh?
Dealt with any idiots recently Taff?
How about this one? In our office a girl, who had relocated from another service, had just started working with the kiddies mental health team. I sent a reply to a notification from them, which arrived via our medical records service. She called me over to her work station.
Her; “You haven’t marked the message we sent you as “read”.”
Me: “Yes I have.”
Her: “It’s showing on my screen as “unread”.
Me: (Stroll over to her screen,) “That’s my reply, you need to mark it read yourself”
Her: “But I didn’t send you the original message, why am I getting the reply?”
Me: “The system doesn’t send replies to individuals only to teams.”
Her: “So why have I got it?”
Me: “Because I replied to a message sent by someone in your team.”
Her: “But I didn’t send the original message, so why have I got it?”
Me: “Because I replied to a message sent by someone in your team, and the system doesn’t send replies to individuals, only to teams.”
Her: “But why is it still showing as unread?”
Me: “Because you haven’t marked it read.”
Her: “But I didn’t send you the original message, why am I getting the reply?”
Me: “Because the system doesn’t send to individuals, it sends to everyone in a team.”
Her: “You need to get this sorted out!”
Me: “WTF?!?! I need to get it sorted out? Why?!?!?”
Her: “Because I didn’t send you the original message, so why am I getting the reply?”
Me: “Which part of “the system doesn’t send to individuals only to teams,” do you find confusing?”
Her: “Can you mark it as “read”?”
Me: “Certainly,” (lean over , click “mark as read” on her screen.)
Her: “That’s no good, it now shows I’ve read it, I wanted it to show you’d read it.”
Me: “I wrote it!!!!”
Her: “But how does it know you wrote it?”
Me: “*********”
So, before I started thumping her, I walked off. I talked to my boss, explained the problem to her, and left her to explain it to the idiot. Half an hour later, they were still going.
Have you been racist recently Taff?
Not quite, but nearly.
We had this rather stunning looking Thai nurse, (don’t ask, I didn’t check,) in our team for a few weeks. Thea is a Thai nurse who has just moved over here and was doing the in-service experience she needs for registration in Australia. (Been there, done that, got the sweaty T-shirt.)
I took her out for a spin, to see one of my clients who was quite unwell. On the way back she was chatting away, happily until I turned onto a bit of three lane highway, then she shut up.
“What’s up Thea?” I asked, stupidly. “Oh, I don’t like this bit of road. I drive this way to the office most days. Nearly every day people race up behind me and flash their lights and beep their horns, it’s not good. They swear and shout as they pass me.” Oh god, ok, I’ll bite. “Thea, that’s a very odd thing for people to do, seeing as this is a stretch of road with “point to point” speed cameras. When they do this, how are you driving exactly?”
Totally without guile she replied; “Oh I know I am not a good driver, so I drive very slowly, about 60 kmph!” Ok, anything else? “I always make sure I am in the right lane to turn right from the start of this road.”
Oh dear, I had guessed as much, an Asian style driver, what else? You can call me “racist” now if you want.
In Australia, Asian drivers have a, (well deserved,) reputation of being bad drivers. And here we had a cute young Thai bird, driving, probably not too well / very fucking badly, at 60 kmph, in an 80 kmph, speed camera regulated area, in the outside lane of a three lane road, during rush hour and she wonders why people are getting a touch irate with her?
Beam me up Scotty.
How’s the holiday plans coming on Taff?
They were coming on not too bad actually, but then Nicol HAD to throw a spanner in the works.
But before that, we had a bit of luck.
I was filling out the online planning calendar, which I do each trip, (just to waste time at work,) and was looking at our Qantas plane tickets, to get time and dates right, (unimportant things like that bug me for some reason.)
It was only then that I realised that our outward journey was Sydney-Dubai-London, but the return journey was London-Dubai-Melbourne-Sydney, with a 10 hour wait in Melbourne. This would be a right pain in the arse to have on the flight home, as we would need to get back to Canberra from Sydney, by bus, on top of that.
Bollocks!! I though I may as well bite the bullet, and see how much it would cost to change our flights, or if it was even possible to do that without ending up having to buy a 737, in order to fly direct back from Melbourne to Canberra. I rang Qantas, and spoke with a lovely young lady rep. “Ooh, I see your dilemma! Let’s see now, I can get you a direct flight from Melbourne to Canberra, but you’ll still have a wait in Melbourne.” That’s not too bad, thought I.
“Just bear with me a second. Look, for not much extra I can get you onto a flight from Canberra to Sydney, at a return ticket rate, for your outward flight as well. Would that be better?” Yes, that would be much better.
“Ok, so for the two flights for both of you, that would cost $280.00 each.” Bugger, that’s a fair whack. I asked her to hold the line, and went and asked Lee-Anne what she thought. Lee-Anne being far less parsimonious than me, she bit my arm off; “Go snap up those fucking tickets up, quick before she changes her mind!”
So I went back and gave her the go ahead. “You’re in luck, due to changes in departure location, you’re actually down as a Canberra departure now, I can credit you back a bit of your airport and other taxes.” Many thanks young lady!
Due to the refund in Airport and departure taxes, we now fly from Canberra, with our bags checked through to London on the way out, and back to Canberra on the way in, (which is a MAJOR blessing, trust me on this,) which also saves us paying $120 each in bus fares to and from Sydney, for the grand price of $80.00 each. We’re actually up on the deal!!!
So what did Nicol do? (Those who don’t know Mark Nicol, just think; “personification of the term “twat”)
Bah! I spoke to him on the phone one night, on one of my “I’m pissed, let’s phone the UK,” nights. Discussing the forthcoming UK trip, (we were in the process of booking accommodation at the time,) he informed me; “Oh, well when you’re in Devon, we’ll be in Portugal, we’re spending the winter in Spain, France and Portugal, in our campervan.” This is all part of his madcap retirement scheme. It’s ok to hate him. Most people do.
As I was pissed at the time I found missing him unacceptable, so we changed our whole itinerary, just to fit him in.
So the plan is now, (very roughly,)
Fly to Heathrow, pick up hire car.
Drive to Devon, spend a few days in Nicol’s shed.
Catch up with Pete & Kam on the trip up, maybe see John Otway in Frome.
Drive to Llanelli, so my mother can tell me how everything I’ve ever done was wrong.
Spend some time with Charlie & Babs, who will not speak ANY Welsh while I am with them
Drive down to Sennen, just to make sure I spend the next few years yearning for the place. Janet Midwinter do not dare leave Cornwall during November.
Back to Devon, spend time on the moors and with the Devon crew. Harness, you do get days off don’t you. Nick and Suze, River cafe?
Mystery trip to round off.
Back to Heathrow.
Sounds like a good break, but I think there’s a good chance Lee-Anne’s going to have to drug me to get me out of Cornwall.
Christ on a pogo stick, the $Au’s has been doing us no favours! It’s been dropping against the pound faster than Aussie wickets against Stuart Broad. Last time we were over, back in the murky depths of September 2013, we would get 60p for every dollar we exchanged, today it stands at 47p, and falling. Now 13p may not sound much, but if you multiply that by the $10,000 we brought over last time, it’s a difference of some £1,300 spending money.
Last time we were over , what with the $Au at a historically high rate , we were living high on the hog, fine dining wherever and whenever we fancied. This time we’ll be coming round to your houses for our supper, and bringing doggy bags. We may end up checking out the fucking local food bank scene!
If any of my British mates are thinking of coming over here in the not too distant future, (some fucking chance eh Jamesy?) I’d advise them to start buying dollars now.
Been enjoying the cricket Taff?
What do you think? I’ve been loving it. Lee-Anne not so much.
The funniest thing happened when I was out at a classical music concert seeing “I Fagiolini”, (see below for details,) half way through the second act, Debbs Midwinter sent me a text, which read; “Are you watching this?” Which made me think either England had been copping a hammering, or….
I didn’t leave before the concert ended, but I was tempted too. As soon as I got out into the foyer, I texted back; “Put me out of my misery, tell me the score!!” she replied; “7/46 Broad got 5 wickets so far” Even though I hammered it home, they were down to the last pair by the time I got in. Lee-Anne didn’t look like she was enjoying the game.
Want to know the best thing though? In a moment of utter madness, in the week before the Ashes started, I slung $10.00 on England to win. Ok, the winning won’t pay for our holiday, but it’s been fun waving the slip about the office.
Seen anybody Taff?
Yes, the lovely Debbie Midwinter came and had a stay with us. She’d been down to the snow for some skiing and larks, and was stopping off in Canberra on her way back to Sydney, so we got to catch up. Lovely to have her over for a night, and a damn good excuse to break my “Dry July” idea. Which I did in style, natch. Thanks Debs.
Next month Sean, my “gunslinger guitarist for hire” mate and his band, “The Rogue Scholars”, are playing just outside Sydney. I’m hoping for a trip up to see them, and him.
Done anything cultural Taff?
Damn right. We went and saw “Return Journey” at the local theatre.
This was a one man play, starring Bob Kingdom, who wrote it and acted it. It was written entirely from Dylan Thomas’s own words, from his poems, plays, and his letters. He had opened the original play in New York, and there Bob was approached by none other than Anthony “Hannibal” Hopkins. Hopkins had often thought about doing a play based on the life of Dylan Thomas, but had left it too late. He was very impressed by the whole show, and offered to, and did, take on the directing of the play.
By buggery it was good!! He was on stage for a good two hours, made up as Dylan Thomas, and a striking resemblance he had to him too! (see above) During the performance he recited the whole of the short stories “Return journey” and “The Outing” (possibly the most funny and touching thing Thomas ever wrote,) and declaimed the poems “Do not go gentle”, “And death shall have no dominion”, “Poem in October” (my favourite DT poem,) “Lament,” and of course, “Fern Hill.” How the hell do actors l remember all the words? I’m a massive fan of Dylan Thomas, and can only do bits an bobs of his stuff by heart.
As a major Dylan Thomas fan and collector, (the first gift I ever sent to Lee-Anne when we were courting, was a first edition of “Quite early one Morning”,) I was in seventh heaven. It was the nearest I can ever imagine to seeing Dylan Thomas live. I wrote to him when we got home after the show, and told him exactly that.
Bob,
Saw your Dylan Thomas show tonight at Street Theatre (Sat 25/7/15)
I thought I would be telling people; “See it! It’s the nearest you will ever get to seeing Dylan Thomas live.” Instead, I’ll be telling them; “See it!!!!! You will be seeing Dylan Thomas live!”
Many, many, thanks for bringing him back, you were perfect.
Best wishes
Taff Thomas
Canberra
Very kindly he replied;
Hi, Taff,
Thanks for that. Glad you enjoyed it. If you know people in any of the other places on the tour – Spread the word!
Lovely audience, nice one too end on.
Best, Bob.
We had a bit of a funny before going in to see the play. Lee-Anne was getting some drinks in, while I went to the box office. The conversation with the girl at the counter went thus;
“I’ve got two tickets booked for tonight’s play”
“What name please?”
“ Thomas.”
“Yes, but what name?”
“Thomas?”
“Sorry, I want your name, not the name of the play”
“Thomas, Taff Thomas”
“Oh…..”
Walking back to the car after the play, we passed close to a group of young Indian Uni students, who were sheltering from the wind and chatting in the doorway of a closed shop. The boys were in suits, the girls in the most stunning saris. As we passed them we got a whiff of what they were smoking; “Cor, that smells bit nice!!” said I aloud, recognising the heady scent of good ganga. To be fair, they did offer us a toke, but as I haven’t smoked tobacco for ten years, and weed for even longer, I had to decline. Either that or embarrass myself.
Another gig I went to was by “I Fagiolini’ (Ee fah-joe-LEEnee).
This was a mixture of early and more modern music, but, I have to admit, it was all, (apart from the madrigals,) a bit too bloody modern for my taste. I’m more interested in the very early (1400’s ) music. Before the usual “not more bloody Gregorian Chant” accusations are made, my preference has been, for donkeys years now, do keep up, for early polyphony rather than chant. (Though I’m always game for a bit of good chant if available)
Here’s a little taste of their singing “Spem in Alium”, glorious eh?
Having said that, the voices were sublime, I fell in love with one of the sopranos, (I do this every gig, it soon wears off,) and they managed to inject a fair bit of humour into the performance. One song they did, Schultz’s “La Molière Imaginaire” was not only hysterically funny, but also it’s world premier. Here’s an excerpt of the lyrics (translated from the original cod Latin.)
A fading hollywood starlet came to see me,
her face seemed strangely smooth.
And as green as duck shit.
One more face lift,
and she’d have had a beard.
Looking along the row I was sat in, I was astounded to see one of our team’s clients sat there. Not a lad I know well, one of our nurses clinically manages him, but a guy I’ve looked after briefly while his manager was on leave. I gave him the “thumbs up” after one memorable madrigal (Gibbons’s “O clap your hands” if you must know,) and he smiled ruefully back at me.
After the gig was over I caught him for a chat, though as ever he didn’t say much. The woman who was sat next to him introduced herself as his mother. “It was ever so kind of Ian to come with me, I couldn’t come on my own, and his father’s in Queensland on business”. No wonder the poor lad looked rueful, fancy agreeing to sit through a couple of hours of classical choral shite, when your taste in music is more orientated towards thrash metal and hardcore punk. Poor sod must love his old mum!!
We also saw “Mr Holmes” at the cinema, (there’s Lee-Anne indulging my obsessions again!) My verdict? Rather novel. I’m a long standing Holmsian student, with a massive collection on, about, or involving the original works and modern interpretations, as you may know. I’m pleased that recent developments, BBC’s “Sherlock”, being the apex and Guy Ritchie’s movies being …adequate… have rejuvenated the genre, while leaving the canon unsullied, (DO NOT ask my opinion of “Elementary” though.)
This movie, portraying an elderly Holmes, with his powers and memories fading, adds greatly to the mythology of Holmes. The story is well imagined, the acting, well Ian McKellen was, as he always is, nonpareil, the others involved especially the young lad, (Milo Parker,) support the star turn with aplomb.
Rather than give nods to the canon, they disabuse us of some long held Holmsian cliché’s, using the old chestnut of “Watson made a lot of it up”.
Suffice to say I enjoyed it greatly.
Eaten out at all Taff?
Funny you should ask that.
We hadn’t planned or booked anywhere before seeing the Dylan Thomas play, but walking up to the theatre noticed a decent looking, but near empty Indian restaurant; “Delhi 6” Indian food. I bloody love it!
With hindsight I wished we’d planned better and had more time to stay there.
First off they have a massive menu with almost too many choices. There were some very interesting dishes, many of which I had not heard of or tried before. I opted for “55. Fish Kolhapuri”, which was very good. It started off mild, but the flavours and heat increased, and increased, and increased with each mouthful, by the end I was sweating like a pig, (which is, of course, the hallmark of a good Ruby!)
Funnily enough, it did the same on the way out.
Lee-Anne had a Lamb Rogan Josh which she declared “lovely,” seeing as she makes what I rate as the world’s best Rogan Josh, that’s high praise indeed. The portions were reasonable sized, the rice and breads were first rate. I wish we had had time to try the fascinating Indian desserts on offer.
Service was quick and pleasant. They had a range of “mocktails” which was great for us as we were in the middle of “dry July”, both the ones we tried were very refreshing, and great with a curry.
The layout of the place was a bit barn like, though the seating was comfortable. There were only two or three other covers in the whole place, so it felt very sparse, and so there was little ambiance. Having said all that, the next time we visit will be a for a meal out, at a better time, and for a whole 3-4 course meal, so will review again then, watch this space!
After seeing “Mr Holmes”, we found a decent looking cafe for a bite. This was the imaginatively named; “My Cafe In Manuka,” (Manuka being the suburb it was in, stunning choice of name there guys.)
To be fair there was plenty of choice on the menu, and for a change I decided to revert to my vegetarian choices of yore. I had the “lentil and macadamia burger,” and so did Lee-Anne. We also had a bowl of wedges to go with them, not realising they came with “french fries” (I hate stringy chips, they are an anathema to any bugger with taste!) The burgers were, surprisingly, first rate, and have inspired us to try making our own versions. (Watch out for them in “Cooking with Taff”.)
The atmosphere, as we sat outside, was great, it was raining, and being out there under an awning, was rather homesickness inducing.
Come close to thumping anyone Taff?
Does a week go by when I don’t? Up in the office one day, Chris, our registrar, called me over to the window. What looked like a fashion shoot was going on outside our office, with two models and a photographer were using the graffiti on the walls of the storm drains as a backdrop. Fair enough, worth a watch.
One of the girls from the kiddies team who had just been out for a coffee, came back and said; “Those two girls look awfully young!” Just as she said that, they started walking towards the office, and yes, they did look really young!
“You call the cops Chris, I’ll go down and twat him!”
But the general consensus was that twatting him would have been the wrong approach. I cannot for the life of me see why. So we got some snaps of him and them, and forwarded them to the child liaison officer at the local cop shop, and she’s running him through the list of known sex offenders, and the girls through the lists of vulnerable young people.
It would have saved a fuck of a lot of time, effort and expense, if I’d just gone down and given him a Glasgow kiss. Smart move pervert guy, taking your snaps outside an office full of child and adolescent mental health workers. You arse.
How’s Bethy doing Taff?
Fine, still beavering away at two jobs, plus Uni. She keeps giving me essays to proof read. Believe it or not, and despite what you read in here, I do have a reasonable facility with words. I cannot spell for siht though. But the problem I have in reviewing them is that I cannot understand what the fuck she is on about. It’s all in English, but the words look like they were cut out of a science magazine, thrown into the air, and arranged into sentences.
The 1:10 irradiated dark treatment had nf=78, this was after erroneous values were removed, the starting sample size ni=117. The 1:100 irradiated dark treatment had ni=124, the original sample size was nf=140. The 1:10 irradiated light treatment had ni=103, the original nf=110. The 1:100 irradiated light treatment had nf=141, the original sample size ni=146. The error bars also show the standard deviation of each treatment.
At her dental assistant job she’s now “Bill the Dentist’s” main person, and even in charge of hiring staff! She unfortunately has a shoulder operation looming, but has been told she may have to wait up to a year for it. (Old basketball injury.)
The other day she got invited to a “Flappers and Gangsters” party. They decided that this was too boring a theme, and instead went as???
Good to see she does take after me then!!
Here’s a photo of Beth and Brandon snapped at a local pub, what a smashing couple they make!
Anything else Taff?
Nah, fuck it that’s your lot. I really must do these more frequently, (or not at all,) as it builds up too much verbiage.
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