What do you think of the new “blog” look? Very tasty I thought. The header image is one of mine, taken at the Cork forest where we walk the mother in law, and the dogs.
Well after the excitement of last month, this month has been rather tame.
.First off a big “thank you!” for all the emails sent following the unfortunate incident where Lee-Anne was attacked by a mangy Abo, last month. Your sympathy and thoughts were much appreciated. We’ve not heard anything more from the cops about it, we’ll let you know if anything does happen.
.However, the total absence of any sympathy and thoughts for me following my near death experience at the flower festival has not gone unnoticed, bastards.
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So, on with the usual bollocks then.
Bethy and Lee-Anne set off one Saturday, leaving me at home, to buy a dress for Bethy’s formal. It was a good idea leaving me at home, as I know about as much about choosing dresses for formals as I do about Chinese algebra. Oh, and I moan like all buggery when being dragged around clothes shops, my taste in (what I consider) dresses which look good on women has been called into question innumerable times, and I inevitably get caught perving, so it’s a no win situation for me.
They came back with a few dresses, none of which were for the formal, but telling me; “We’ve seen the perfect dress, it’s lovely, and it’s bright yellow.” Quickly followed by; “and it’s only $299.95”.
Only $299.95? ONLY THREE HUNDRED BUCKS!?!?! Good job I stayed at home eh!
They wanted some time to reflect on this purchase, and time for Bethy to check out with the people who count, (her mates,) whether they thought a bright yellow dress would be a good thing. It would appear that most of the rest of them are going in purple, so Bethy will stand out at least.
But, getting the thumbs up off her mates led to me and Lee-Anne going to the clothes shop the next weekend to pick up the said dress.
Lee-Anne seemed to be spending an awful long time picking out the right sized dress from the rack of yellow dresses. Which gave me time to perve, which was nice. “There’s some here reduced to $50”, she said, “but none seem to be in Bethy’s size.” Dragging my eyes away from whichever pert buttocks had caught them, I looked up and saw a sign “All dresses reduced to $50.” Boy was I a happy man.
The next weekend they went out and bought shoes; “Only $130!”
It goes without saying that Bethy looks a million dollars in her outfit, I’ll post a picture of her in the next bulletin. We are only hoping now that the dentist will remove her braces before the big night, she sees him on the 26th Nov, so fingers crossed. She has been told, and has agreed to, that even if the braces do come off she’ll still have to wear a nightguard thingy. Poor bugger.
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Those bloody cockatiels we were looking after finally went back to Linna’s house. How the noisy bastards survived their time at our house without me strangling them, or accidentally setting fire to them, I do not know. We’re still hoovering budgie seeds out of the carpet though. Millie misses them, the rest of us don’t. Though I don’t know if Barnum, my “dumb as a bag of rocks” dog even noticed them.
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While we’re on the subject of Bethy, she’s been off to the coast for a couple of days surfing with the school, she’s also had a caving trip. Bloody school seems a lot more fun than when I was there. Back in the days of the horse drawn tram, when chalk boards were de riguer, there were no surfing and caving trips. Mind you, the fact that we weren’t taken surfing in (old) South Wales is probably a blessing. Surfing amongst the industrial waste outflows and raw sewage pipes, which contributed the main ingredients and aromas to the local sea, which also had a little bit of salt water thrown in for good measure, wouldn’t have done much for our health.
But the most gobsmacking news for us was when she brought her latest bit of schoolwork home, an essay on Germaine Greer and “The Female Eunuch”. The teacher had written on it; “This is the level of work I would expect from first year University Sociology Students, not from a 15 year old Year Ten student. Congratulations, this is superb.” It’s really scarey, how effortlessly studious Bethy is. She’s a hard worker, admires intellect, and is always willing to do the extra yards on any assignment. Please god let her never change! I wish I could claim some credit for encouranging her in these endeavours, maybe seeing me with my nose never out of a book in some way inspired her? Will that wash?
But shockingly, Bethy only has two weeks left of high school. Then it’s the long summer break before she moves up to Melba College to do year 11 and 12. Yea godz, it sems like only yesterday she was moving up from Aranda primary to Canberra High.
(I’ll say this very quietly in case she’s listening; Bethy is now old enough to apply for a driving license. She’s also passed her “Road Ready” test, and therefore is entitled to get L-plates and start learning. She’s not 16 yrs old yet.
2. Learner driver licence: Age: At least 15 yrs 9 mths
To get a learner licence you must successfully complete a Road Ready program in Year 10 at school or through a Road Ready Centre. You must then pass a computer based Road Rules Knowledge Test.
3. Learning to drive; Age: From 15 yrs 9 mths to 17 yrs
During the learner licence period of up to 2 years, you are encouraged to work together with professional driving instructors and parents/supervising drivers to ensure that you gain plenty of experience.
http://www.roadready.act.gov.au/c/roadready?a=da&did=1000766)
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Recently me and Bethy were walking around the local hardware store. I’d picked her up from school and wanted to price up a strimmer, (Weed wacker/wipper sniper/Bush cutter, one of these bloody things!) More on this later. While we were walking about the store I noticed Bethy was getting a great deal of, unasked for, attention from men of all ages. This automatically put me into “guard dog” mode. I mean, it’s ok for me to eye up young totty of course, but this is MY daughter we are talking about! And she’s only 15! Oy, you with the builder’s crack, what are you some kind of paedophile or something?!? My getting into that frame of mind in a place full of axes and other heavy/sharp objects, isn’t really a good idea. You buggers out there with daughters in their twenties, why did you not warn me?
Oh, I think this may just be the best photo I have ever taken (not of a person that is,) what do you think?
Click on the image above to go to the gallery for a full sized image of it.
So yes, the other day I realised I was getting old. And enjoying it!
This was brought home to me when I ruminated on the fact that the highlights of my weekend were;
Saturday:
Mowing the lawn before a thunderstorm came through.
Walking the dogs in a new place.
Phoning my mate, Ratty, in Wales.
Giving the wife a damn good tuning.
Sunday:
Seeing my first ever wild turtle. (And not running over it, luckily Lee-Anne shouted; “that’s not a rock!” just before I hit it.)
A trip to the second-hand bookstore as a treat for cleaning the house.
Reading of the books purchased. (The crafty sod in the bookshop told me I’d get 10% off if I spent more than a ton. So I did.)
TSC Tigers vs Ramblers Gold at Tuggeranong. (Girls Under 19’s Basketball match, Bethy’s lot lost.)
On TV: four nations rugby (league) followed by a twenty 20 cricket match on TV, with a bottle (or two) of good wine.
A fucking good weekend it was too.
But what happened to days of; “Getting up early in a strange bed with a hangover and a sore cock, and either suicidally thrashing my motorbike to get out on the hill to ride the winds on my paraglider, or suicidally thrashing my motorbike to a local crag, bouldering something exciting, thrashing the bike back to try and beat the pace set on the way out. Then showering, taking shedloads of drugs and going out to the city centre/town with a bunch of mates, for a skinful of beer, and possibly a good fight. Wrapping the night up by trying to pull anything with a vagina for a bit of unromantic shagging.” Those were the days, where did they go?
What happened, did I suddenly become boring while I wasn’t watching? (Don’t answer that.) When did “happy and content” take over from “adrenaline and excitement”?
I actually found myself getting excited about getting the lawn mower serviced the other day, even though it cost more to service than my bloody car. The idea of owning a petrol strimmer caused days of wonder and longing, (I’m geting a 30cc petrol driven model, those weeds won’t know what hit them!) I even found myself thinking it exceedingly naughty to have a toasted cheese sandwich with extra cheese in it!
But I must add that the lawn looks lovely now though, like a bowling green, and by fuck I am a happy man.
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That rain I was telling you about? It’s still happening. The bike’s been retired for a while as it’s no fun driving to work and arriving sodden. Oh, and due to the rain, I never did get my blast to the coast on my bike to go on a whale watching trip, I’ve had to put it off until next season. But by buggery Canberra looks different now, it’s all lush and green and wild flowers have popped up everywhere. Unfortunaltely one of the wild flowers which have popped up in abundance is the infamous “Patterson’s Curse.” There’s a picture in the gallery of a rural scene, with a carpet of rather lovely looking purple flowers in it, thems the bastards!This is the first season of substantial rain in Canberra since I’ve lived here. At the Pinnacle nature reserve, where I walk my dogs, the grass is so high that I loose sight of Lee-Anne in it. I kid you not, the grass is nearly six foot high there. Many rivers have been flooding too, and for the first time in a decade they’ve had to lower the beams on dams for Lake Burley Griffin.
The dam has five bay spillway controlled by 30.5 metres (100 ft) wide, hydraulically operated fish-belly flap gates. The fish-belly gates allow for a precise control of water level, reducing the dead area on the banks between high and low water levels. The five gates have only been opened simultaneously once in the dam’s history, during heavy flooding in 1976.
Remember the cooking contest that Bethy and her mates won? Well the organisers have used clips of it, shot at the finals, in a TV advert for next year’s competition. Strangely enough they show lots of the team that came second, but only about half a second of Bethy and her mates. This is probably due to the girls who came second nearly setting fire to themselves, which is much more entertaining for the general public, and inspiring for any kids who may see it. It was shown, many times, over the course of the “Junior Masterchef” series here, the program which had the highest viewing figures for the any show of the week, so Bethy was potentially seen by hundreds of thousands of viewers. Fame at last!
Bethy appears briefly at about 19 seconds in.
My sister Louise send me a DVD the other day, she’d burned this from a copy of an old VHS video tape. It’s of a home movie I shot off, way back in Xmas 1981, of my family, but mainly of niece and nephew as they were then babies. Now as you can imagine this is a document of great historical significance, but unfortunately due to me being behind the camera, I do not feature too much in it.
However it does feature my late father and aunt, and was a bit of a choker. Yep I had a bit of a weep, not ashamed to admit it, the first time I watched it.
Also featured are some friends of mine, Jamesy, Ratty and Mark. Ratty, being young dumb and full of cum, as he was in those days, is particularly embarrassing to himself. It also features Jamesy’s late father and grandfather.
I haven’t linked to this piece of archival footage of my good friends, yet, (even though Jamesy has a very dodgy “porn star” mustache in it,) as the blackmail value of it is more useful if kept in reserve.
If anybody asks nicely, I’ll include the bits of the movie where my ugly (and very long haired) mug appears in the movie, when I do the next update to this site.
The most amusing thing is though how fascinated everyone was seeing themselves on TV! I actually spend some time during it explaining to people that; “It’s like a cine camera, but you can record TV pictures onto video tape with it.” People are fucking amazed by this new-fangled invention. Most of them actually point to themselves on the TV, full of awe, as for most (all?) it was the first time they had ever seen themselves on a television. (This is South Wales in the early 80’s remember. )
Nowadays you could get the technology required onto a cheap phone, along with all the other things that phone makers seem to think essential, like breathalyzers, mp3 players and gay cruising aps. I only know of such things as “gay cruising aps”, as Stephen Fry had one on his phone, and Clarkeson outed him on “Top Gear” as having it. The nasty man. Back in those halcyon days of the early 80’s though the camera was the size of a breeze block, and just as heavy, and there was a recorder in a suitcase sized “shoulder bag” to go with it’. I damn near dropped a bollock lugging it about.
How times change eh?
Here’s an e-mail I got from my mate Pete Gillings, (well it tickled me);
Hi Al,
Wel i though i would drop you a line and tell you what a stuff i’ve made!I have been recording “take a walk on the wild side” and other various shows for you all,i had a good plan i would record from the iplayer and then i could pause the program until i was ready to record how clever am i now scrabelling around for the record remote and i can choose from lot’s of progams to record when i wanted and so over the next few weeks i recorded the series of “take a walk on the wild side”and otther shows.How clever am i ?The answer is i’m not,one last progam to record and where the fuck have all the progam’s gone fucking dvd player it’s going in the bin.A brain wave i bought a 8GB flash drive and recorded all the progam’s again it was faster from the computer how clever am i?The anwer is i’m not, what i didn’t know was that the bbc put a program in there iplayer progam’s that destory’s the recording after 30day’s so dvd’s and flash drives get wiped OH TWAT.Good new’s i loaded the the flash drive with load’s of music file’s you can copy them and then send me it back and i can send more i will get you tv programs just give me time to work out how to beat the system.
In the supermarket the other day I had wondered off to get something, when I saw three middle aged women having an intense discussion. One glance at their eyes, and I had them diagnosed as “OCD” (Obsessive / Compulsive Disorder.) They were, very intensly, discussing those things you stick under the toilet rim, which turn the bog water blue, (and seem to have no other purpose.) I caught up with Lee-Anne, who was actually doing our shopping, and not wondering about like a fart in a trance like me, and I pointed them out to her. We had finished our shopping, and were queuing for the checkout, (this was at least 15 minutes later, if not more,) when curiosity got the better of me. I ran back to the “cleaning things” isle, and sure enough they were still there, and still obsessively discussing which water blueing product to buy. It must take them all day to buy shithouse products, lord knows how long their weekly grocery shopping takes. A week most probably. And then thay can come back the next day and start all over again. It was the most perfect example of “Folie a trois” I have ever seen.
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We’re having some changes at work. We’ve been successful, too successful if anything, so the powers that be decided to change our remit (aka “fuck everything up, and fuck everyone about). We’re now going to be the “Early Intervention Team”. Our remit will be anyone from the age of 18 through to 25 yrs, and we’ll be dealing with bi-polar disorder as well as psychosis and schizophrenia, plus anyone who has a “inconclusive” diagnosis. There is also talk of our service being expanded to cover the whole of the ACT, rather than just the southern sector as we do now, which will mean more staff and more headaches.
We’re moving into this office block. I’m sure whoever built it thought it’s “space age” looks would last the life of the building. They were wrong then, weren’t they.
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Just to add to the list of things we have to look forward to in the new year, as well as going to watch the Ashes, we’ve also scored great seats to see Billy Connolly when he plays Canberra in February. We nearly bought tickets from a tout. We missed the tickets when they were first rolled out, as they were all snapped up in minutes of going on sale, and I didn’t see the advert for his tour until a week after the roll out day. For “mid way back of the convention centre” tickets, (in other words “bring binoculars”,) the scalper was asking $700 for four. As I was on my day off when the second night’s tickets went on sale I got tickets for all four of us, (Glenn is coming too) just three rows from the front, for $556! Boy was I a happy bunny.
Whoo hoo the Ashes start next week! As I am now a “Waussie” I get to boast “my side won” no matter who wins.
Here you go then, here’s the bit you’ve all been waiting for. Your annual; “God doesn’t Taff look a twat!” all singing, all dancing, animated, Xmas card!! Yay!!!!
This year’s theme is; “Heavy Metal Xmas Songs.”
This will probably be my final missive before Xmas. So may I wish you all a very merry Xmas and a happy new year now! We’ve not got anything planned for Xmas, as Bethy will be with her father this year. I’m hoping to work most of it and rack up some cash for the new years jaunt to Adelaide.
Edited to add. (I’ve just been told my new manager has kindly given me most of Xmas off, the silly moo!)
For those of you who have visited Canberra, here’s a treat. Check out the Bollywood video shown below, which was shot in the city. See how many Canberra landmarks you recognise and/or can name!
For those of you who haven’t visited, but are still romantics, just enjoy the l-u-u-u-r-v-e!
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