Well hello chums, not a lot of news for you this month, it’s been quite quiet, so let’s get this over and done with eh?

First up, the birdfeeder webcam has been a huge success, I cannot think why I didn’t stick one up before. It’s been such a success that people have been e-mailing me to let me know I’ve forgotten to put it on in the mornings. Though I have to admit that we haven’t had anything really exotic on it, most people seem content with the cockies, magpies, myna birds and occasional Rosella it attracts.

I cannot help think it must be those birds which draw the crowds,  as I cannot imagine anyone wanting to see a hung-over Welshman in a shabby dressing gown filling the feeder. Oh, and I’ve filled it when I’ve been stark bollocks naked on two occasions, and so far none of the images have appeared on the net. As far as  I know.

Thanks to all of you who sent emails, and thoughts, on Mary’s dog, who is still making a remarkable recovery despite the ministrations of the mother in law. Those of you who suggested we should have had the dog put to sleep and bought Mary a similar one, as it would have been cheaper and she’d  never notice the difference in any case, should be ashamed of yourselves. (For not passing on the idea to me earlier.)

We took her out for her first walks with our dogs yesterday, she’s not fit enough to keep up with them yet and soon knackered herself out. (Meech and the mother in law). She can run now, but keeps losing the use of her back legs at times and falling over. Which I shouldn’t find highly amusing, not when the mother in law is about. But I do.

While at the gym one morning, an advert for a forthcoming gig flashed up on the TV screen which is in front of the cross trainer I was using. “Budgie?” thought I, “surely not!” But lo and behold, when I check up on the net, yes it was, the Welsh heavy metal band, Budgie, were touring Aus! Brilliant, I wonder if they are playing Canberra?

Not a fucking chance. The nearest place they were playing was some god forsaken hick town near Wollongong. Ok, so doing things arse backwards as I normally do,  I buy a ticket on the net, then check I’m actually rostered off work that night. Luckily I was. I decided as it was a three hour drive there, and I didn’t want to drive up, stay sober, and then drive back, (though now I wish I had,) I’d book a room in a hotel near there. Which was easier said than done. Getting a room booked for the night was in fact a fucking nightmare. Wollongong for some strange reason was packed to the gills that night, can’t all be going to see Budgie surely?

Eventually I got my hotel booked, in fact I got a good deal at $130 for the night. It was only then that I realised that this would be my first ever trip off into the wilds of Aus on my own since moving here. (And believe me Wollongong is a wild place!) I’ve been away from Lee-Anne a few times since I got here, but never on my own, in fact only ever with work colleagues. Woosh, big event!

But I’m brave, and big, and rufty tufty, so I wasn’t crapping myself. Much. I had thought about doing the trip on my bike, but then thought better of it as a three hour bike trip and the inevitable alcohol poisoning, and then a three hour ride back the next day would have left me incapacitated for a month.

So on the appointed day I set off. The journey down was rather uneventful; and as  90% of it was on the Sydney Federal Highway  which I’ve driven on so many times, boring as all buggery. However I got to Wollongong no probs, straight to my hotel, mainly thanks to Sean, our trusty GPS.

As I had an hour or so to kill, I took a walk on the shoreline at Wollongong, it was rather nice, not what I had expected at all for a massive mining town. Getting back to my hotel, I had a shit shower and shave, and changed into my Scarlets jersey (Llanelli Rugby Club,), and grabbed a cab to the venue..

Towrdagi beach, the venue, turned out to be a massive “Sports bar/beach bar/slapper hangout/cattle market/binge drinkers heaven”,  with a hall for gigs attached.

So I settled in for a few refreshers. The place was heaving, mainly young people on the pull, but also a table full of lesbians (which made for interesting viewing) and a fair share of drunken lechers. (Me included.)

I had a couple of beers and watched the floor show. There were a couple of bits of fluff, all legs, tits, slapped on make up, and short leather skirts with “tits out for the lads” cleavage, going round handing out free samples of “VB Raw”. They didn’t look to be having much fun, some of the older guys were particularity drunk and obnoxious, and often tried to cop a feel.

They came across to me and offered me a sample; “Thanks very much,” I said, “but do they really pay you enough to put up with arseholes like those?” They giggled and left a free bottle with me.

So each time they passed, I made a nice comment, or mimed what the drunk guys were like, and the free bottles kept coming.  One group of guys who the girls constantly bypassed, were looking at me in awe, as if they had been told I had the patent on the penis, and a chocolate flavoured cock. Eventually after bidding the girls a fond farewell, I tacked my way unsteadily to the venue, before I got too pissed to make it.

Once inside the gig I got chatting to a bunch of older guys who all wanted to know more about Wales, and the Welsh flag I was now wearing, and they bought me a couple of beers, and I bought them some, so they bought me more. Jesus, the whole night I was never without a drink in my hand, about one in five of which I actually paid for.

Feeling flush I bought a “Budgie Tour of Australia” T-shirt, not cheap at $45.

The support acts weren’t bad. The first group “Stone Ox” played pretty good retro metal, the sort of stuff Deep Purple were doing in 1974. I bopped a long with them and found myself dancing next to a rather heavily tattooed young lady. Who was Welsh. She showed me her Welsh flag tattoo, on her shoulder, fortunately. I showed her mine on my back.  She pissed off when the support band finished as she was “Shagging the bassist,” as she delicately put it, and whom, she reliably informed me; “has got a massive cock.” (there are some things you just don’t need to know, I bumped into the guy at the bar later, I didn’t ask him.) A very Welsh girl then.

The next support act was a guy on his own, Phil Emmanuel, who played guitar to a karaoke style backing track, mainly of soft rock. Brilliantly good he was, pulled off every trick in the book, great dynamics, shape pulling, feedback, tapping and stuff. The only song he sang to was “Ghost riders in the sky”. Some drunken buffoon sang the chorus loudly along with him, but sung; “Yippee kai aye! Yippee kai ooh! MUTHERFUCKER!”, much to the amusement of him and the crowd.

Sometimes I’m just a massive embarrassment to myself.

Budgie were awesome, in the 34 years since I saw them last (when did we see them Jamesy?) they haven’t changed a bit. The main man, Burke Shelley, still looks like a skeleton on acid, but plays bass like a demon. Much to my delight they payed a fair few numbers off “In for the kill”, my favourite album of theirs, which I also howled along to.

Being pissed, more than just pissed, more PISSED, in fact,  I  got to the front of the stage. From there I hurled a few Welsh homilies at Burke and he came over and shook my hand!! Fuck me!! From there on in it was headbanging at the front for the rest of the evening. God I miss my long hair of yore…

They did an encore and I put my Welsh flag over Burke’s monitor, he gave me a big thumbs up and a thanks, he must have been homesick.

Unfortunately the venue didn’t allow flash photography, so the poor images of the gig  in this month’s gallery are just due to that, not to me being sozzled.Honest.

There was a few miles of queues at the taxi rank, so I decided to walk the 7 k’s back to my motel. This plan I abandoned within 5 minutes of setting off, as I was too pissed to walk, to stand even, and I didn’t have a clue where Wollongong was, leave alone my hotel, and a taxi was passing, so I flagged it down.

I left my t-shirt in it.

I woke up with the hangover to end all hangover’s in the morning. I don’t know what caused it, it must have been something I hadn’t eaten the day before, like any food. Not even a temazepalm could cure it. The drive home wasn’t pleasant. Not at all. Not one bit. Though I did stop in a layby on the way back and found a man selling cherries there, so I bought a kilo. I didn’t eat any.

Cor we’ve had bloody funny weather of late, we had a whole week of thunderstorms, followed by a week of very hot and humid weather, with freezing cold nights. I was riding the bike home from work on one of the humid days, and was still sweating like a pig at 120 kmph! That’s H-O-T!  I’m still having great fun on the bike, my new stupidity is a “bread run”. There’s a great bakery in the town of Braidwood, which is about 110 kilometres from home. The road is great fun once out of Canberra, with long sweeping bends, and some great straight stretches where I can do some highly illegal speeds. I drive out there, have a coffee and a croissant at the bakery, buy one of their superb loafs, and then try and break the sound barrier on the way home. Ok, I’m exaggerating, I’m too old and ugly to speed, too fat and dim witted. I very rarely take it over 150-160 kmph.

We’ve booked our digs for Xmas, we’re having a week here.

Life’s a Beach is an iconic, lovingly restored, 1950s cottage. Located only 4 doors from Culburra beach, it faces a bush reserve and is a lifetime away from city hassle. Relive the happy hols of your childhood or take a step back in time to Culburra Beach and enjoy this unique time warp experience. I think I saw Elvis at the Culburra Beach Bowling Club last weekend!! Your transportation to the 50s and Culburra Beach is just an e-mail away. Pets most welcome. Secure Fencing. Doggie friendly house & best Doggie friendly beach in the whole wide world.

I’m having a fortnight off. Normally I work through Xmas, but Bethy’s with us this year and I haven’t had a trip out since I went to see Budgie, and haven’t had a holiday since we went whale watching at the end of September, gosh it’s a hard life. Due to the wonderful weirdness of my shift and flex time, I’ve taken a fortnight’s leave, but this only necessitates me taking 8 days out of my entitlement. I will still have five weeks leave to use before April. Not including flex.

Me, Lee-Anne, Lee-Anne’s mum, and our three dogs will be down there for the break. I’m still not used to Xmas on the beach in the sun, but it’s no hardship believe me…

Oh, as part of our Xmas presents to each other we’ve bought two tickets for the one day test between Australia and Pakistan, at the SCG on 24 th January. Seeing as it’s a treat, we’ve actually got ourselves platinum tickets, up in the best stand mixing with the nobs. 🙂

That’s about it. I’ll hopefully have some less boring tales for you in the new year. I’ve just realised it’s almost a  whole year gone since my 50 th birthday, but it seems so much longer. It’s been a good year.

I’ll take this opportunity to wish you all great Xmas and a prosperous new year. As the great philosopher, Greg Lake, said;

I wish you a hopeful christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’ll be snow at christmas
They said there’ll be peace on earth
Hallelujah, Noel be it heaven or hell
The christmas you get you deserve

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